One of THOSE Days...Make it TWO...

It's been a couple of difficult days around here.

We still have two teenagers at home. 

Have I said enough already?

And to think...we're in the process of adopting another one! (Sometimes it gives you one of those "what-were-we-thinking" moments. Brain, be still!)

I divorced before I married Keith. My ex is an overall good person at heart. But, of course, as is with ANY divorce, there are two viewpoints to every story. It's something like two different viewpoints to a car accident.

His & hers.

"Ex"...in a polite way...tells his view of what happened. I...in a polite way...tell mine.

This divorce happened over six years ago.

 I also tell them that this isn't a "taking sides" issue, and never should be. I tell them that it happened between adults. They know they weren't the cause of it. That's not the part that bothers them, though. It's the part where their father makes it sound like they owe him & makes it seem like I abandoned them by separation & divorce. He has said to me, "How can Oldest Child treat me that way? Look at all I've done for him since YOU LEFT." We have joint custody, but they spend most nights with their dad & days with me since I am a teacher & take them to school with me. I teach at a K-8. We've both tried to be there for them as parents as much as possible. We are not rude to one another in front of them, nor are we typically when we meet or talk on the phone.

Most people would say that if there is any such thing as a "good" divorce, it would be ours. We strive to get along. We're both with our kids every day. However, since I have remarried & their father is alone, Middle Child thinks he owes his dad his loyalty & pledge of honor. He says he's going to live with his dad & take care of him the rest of his life. To me, this is not a healthy thing. I understand why he feels this way. But since he feels he owes his dad his allegiance, Middle Child has felt that he doesn't have to show respect to me. He feels he can be "in my face" about things...cops an attitude. He has hit a newall-time functioning high as a teenager.

He has been this way for two days. I guess I should be grateful it isn't a week yet. (Knock on wood...)

The brother he typically argues with is now teaming up with him. So it's "double trouble"...

2 kids, 2 long...oh, so long...days.

I'm fortunate to be a teacher & to be a mom who understands a lot of this is due to a teenage period of growth & striving for independence. The hormones are raging.

I also know it means he's grappling with issues of a divorce...he said/she said. I've told him that there are no sides to take & all you have to do is love your parents. Respect & love them for who they are, and let them love you back. Let it go. Be at peace.

See, I know what's really in their hearts. I know why they are at this point in their lives.

But it really hurts...to tears...when your "baby" uses it against you. The child you bent over backwards for just so you could stay home with them. The child you quit your job for so you can hold them & love them. The child you bond with through nursing...so much so that you come out looking like a National Geographic Special in the end. The child you went through gestational diabetes for..to have a healthy child. 

A child whose face you look at now & you only see disdain. There's also glee & gloating in the fact that you've hurt your mom.

And what really hurts is when you realize that this is the one child...out of all our children...who doesn't have as much common sense. He's a child with a lower average I.Q. Literally. Literally.

So then I wonder...

When he acts like this, WILL he ever mature out of it? Does he have the mental capability to do so? Will he be the child who grows up & away to never come back to see me or talk to me again?

Will he love me?

I remember when they were born. The utter joy. The disbelief of producing sucha wonderfulcreature.

How is it then that they are capable of bringing you to an all-time low?

My ex used to say: They're devils in the daytime. Then they go to sleep & the angels bring back your child.

My dad has always said: They're cute when they're puppies...but they sure grow up to be mean dogs.

Of course neither of them has said that in front of the children. But there are days...like these two days...when you really wonder.

And cry....and wonder...